Time To Talk TFMR

TFMR: In discussion with Dr Brenda Kelly, Consultant Obstetrician and Fetal Medicine Specialist

Hello and thank you for listening!
In today's episode we are joined by Dr Brenda Kelly. Brenda is a Consultant Obstetrician and Fetal Medicine specialist at Oxford University Hospitals Trust. She has over 20 years of experience of working with women and families.
Often, when a problem is detected on a scan or through blood tests, there isn't a clear answer about what is wrong with baby. In this episode Brenda explains how a medical team work together to complete the 'jigsaw puzzle' when either a genetic or structural problem is detected.
Catherine tells us more about her experience of having a diagnosis of Down's Syndrome for Bud and how the wider societal perception of life with DS intersects with the raft of unknowns that come with a 'non-fatal' diagnosis. 
Brenda turns the interviewing tables, and asks Catherine and Hayley about their experience of pregnancy after TFMR. It was an unexpected twist, and we hear about both of their different experiences with this.
We hope you enjoy this episode. Let us know: you can follow us on Instagram & Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @talkTFMR and email us on talkTFMR@yahoo.com
 

TFMR in Ireland

In today's episode we are joined by Jen Ryan. Jen is a campaigner for TFMR Ireland and LMC Bereavement Support. She is a mum who has experienced her own TFMR in 2012, before the laws changed, allowing women to access abortions up to 12 weeks of pregnancy.
We talk to her about her personal experience of having to travel to England to have her TFMR and what impact this had on her grieving process. We explore that although Ireland changed their laws 3 years ago to allow for terminations up to 12 weeks of pregnancy, for any reason (fatal or non-fatal), many women will still face barriers to accessing the care they need and have to travel.
Jen talks about the nuances of TFMR in Ireland. What women and their families go through when living in a country that politicises their bodies and how the fear of being ostracised, even criminalised, leads to deeper feelings of shame and guilt. 
The pandemic has created yet more barriers, often meaning women have to travel alone and have their babies alone. This has been a possible trauma for some that has always existed in Ireland (financial restrictions can often mean women's partners will need to stay behind for example), but Covid has made this more people's reality.
You can follow Jen on Instagram @jenrok, or TFMR Ireland @tfmr_ireland, or LMC Bereavement Support @lmc_bereavement_support
We hope you enjoy this episode. Let us know what you think, we love hear from you! You can follow us on Instagram & Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @talkTFMR and email us on talkTFMR@yahoo.com
 
 

TFMR & IVF with Dr Shema Tariq

Hello and thank you for listening!
In this episode of Time To Talk TFMR we're talking to Dr Shema Tariq about her personal experience of termination of an IVF conception.  Shema shares her story of infertility and the journey of needing to chose to use donor eggs and after finally becoming pregnant with her son Altair, the devastating consequences of her waters breaking early. This lead to her needing to induce labour in order to protect her own health. 
Shema is open and honest about her IVF and TFMR experience and tells us about the effects of both of these on her mental health too. Shema goes on to eventually conceive again, using donor eggs and her second son, Faris, is born healthy after lots of medical support. But Shema suffered from postnatal depression after his birth, a common occurrence for women who have faced IVF trauma and pregnancy loss/birth trauma.
We hope that you will find Shema's story as heart breaking and hopeful in equal measures, we certainly did.
Shema is a doctor and researcher into women's reproductive health, specialising in HIV in pregnancy and menopause. You can follow her on Instagram @one_in_seven
Let us know what you thought of this episode by rating and leaving a comment on Apple Podcasts, or by emailing us at talktfmr@yahoo.com. You can also follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @talkTFMR.

TFMR & Going Public with Lou Conran

Hello and welcome to our latest episode.
Our guest today is the comedian, writer and performer, Lou Conran. Lou had a TFMR in 2016 after she found out that her daughter, Emma, wasn't developing properly. Emma had a rare skeletal condition and at 21 weeks, Lou delivered her.
A year later, Lou wrote and performed her comedy show, I Love Lou C to live audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The show is all about her experience of becoming pregnant (after being told she was infertile) with a man who was less than ideal (understatement) and just as she was getting her head around all of this, she was told her baby was seriously unwell. The show is heart breaking and, yes, funny. And no, she is not making fun of baby loss.
But funny things can and do happen in the midst of the trauma and tragedy of death. 
In a bid to break through the taboo of baby loss and the even bigger taboo of TFMR, she has been speaking out publicly about this almost as soon as it happened to her. As she says, 'If you can stand up every night on stage and try to make people laugh, you can do anything. And if you've been through baby loss, you can do anything.'
To watch her show, click here: https://youtu.be/3CwTiRSgttA
You can also find her episode on Cariad Lloyd's podcast, Griefcast where she talks more about the condition Emma had, Lou's episode is number 19: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/griefcast/id1178572854
Lou has her own comedy podcast, with her friend and fellow comic Sally-Anne Hayward, called Spit or Swallow and if you're in need of a laugh, we'd recommend it: https://audioboom.com/channels/5042257
Finally, you can follow Lou on social media (Instagram & Twitter) @LouConran
And her website is: https://www.louconran.com/
Let us know what you thought of this episode by rating and leaving a comment on Apple Podcasts, or by emailing us at talktfmr@yahoo.com. You can also follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @talkTFMR.

TFMR: Surgical Termination

Hello and thank you for listening.
In today's episode we are speaking with Sally Kelly, a specialist midwife in bereavement care and Steph Cunningham a TFMR mum who had a surgical termination in 2019.
Steph tells us her story and her feelings around having a ST both then and now. Sally talks us through when and how a ST is offered and what her role is.
We consider this episode the first of many covering this topic. Frankly, if we'd tried to cover it all in one episode, you'd be listening for a week! We've made a good start, but we know there is so much more to discuss. 
You can follow Steph on Instagram @crossing_everything.
Let us know what you think and don't forget that you can rate and review us on Apple Podcasts - this can help some who may be sitting on the fence about listening to see that others have found the podcast useful. You can also by email us at talktfmr@yahoo.com and follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @talkTFMR.
 
 

TFMR & The Wider Baby Loss Community with Dr Jessica Zucker

In today's episode we're talking with Dr Jessica Zucker. Jessica is a psychologist, writer and author specialising in reproductive and maternal mental health. She started the I Had A Miscarriage campaign in 2014 on Instagram after having her own second trimester miscarriage in 2012. She has just published a memoir of the same name.
We talk to Jessica about her work with TFMR parents, how she feels about those who question her unwavering support and inclusion of TFMR as baby loss and why the wider baby loss community needs to include TFMR.
Jessica tells us about her own baby loss experience and we talk about the 'what ifs' in her situation.
This is a powerful episode and we hope you will feel empowered and validated by Jessica's words of support for TFMR parents. 
You can follow Jessica on Instagram @ihadamiscarriage and you can find her book on Amazon US or Amazon UK
Get in touch and let us know what you though of this episode. You can email us at talktfmr@yahoo.com or follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @TalkTFMR
Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and review us on Apple!
 

TFMR and The Anti-Choice Campaign (High-Court case special)

In this special episode we're joined by Jane Fisher from Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) to talk about the High-Court case heard last week (August 6, 2021) brought by three people against the UK government. They want a change in the abortion law to restrict access in post 24 week terminations for those fetus's/babies found to have a non-fatal disorder and specifically, those found to have Down syndrome (DS).
We talk about the emotional impact seeing and hearing these views in the media and how a balanced view is often missing from these reports. We speak about why DS is used as the disorder of choice by the anti-choice side, where that came from and why. We also talk about abortion/termination more widely. Are we, inadvertently, creating a grief hierarchy within the termination community by stressing how much we wanted our babies, but that they were ill and so we decided to to end our pregnancy? What about those (healthy) women had healthy babies, but for whatever reason, they too decided to end their pregnancy? Are they allowed to feel grief? Are we allowed to feel relief?
This is a lively and challenging discussion, and it won't be our last.
If you have been affected by the reporting of the court case and need someone to talk (vent!) to, ARC is always there for you and so are we:
Website: https://www.arc-uk.org/about-arc
Telephone: 0207 713 7486
Email: info@arc-uk.org
 

TFMR: Couples

Welcome back!
In our opening episode for season three we speak with Emma & Gareth about their experience of a TFMR in October 2020. Many of you may already know Emma from her work through the @tfmrmamas Instagram page and website she created.
We hear how Emma and Gareth have each dealt differently with their anxieties around having an IVF pregnancy, finding out that something was serious wrong with their baby, Willow and their subsequent grief in losing her. Gareth describes everything from his utter devastation, feelings of helplessness, through to his guilt at 'not being as upset as Emma'.
They describe what many of us have experienced, the feeling of 'misalignment' in grief. But Emma's expression, 'Stay in your own lane' really helps to describe how to allow space for your own feelings and that of your partner.
Emma also speaks with openness and honesty about her previous elective terminations in her late teens. She tells us how this impacted her thoughts and feelings around her TFMR and the work she had to do to accept all the buried feelings she had around these previous terminations.
Get in touch by email talkTFMR@yahoo.com or social media, Instagram/Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @TalkTFMR. Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, we love to hear from you.