October 10, 2021

TFMR: Surgical Termination

In this special episode for Baby Loss Awareness Week, we're focussing once again on surgical termination.

We're speaking with Jane Fisher from Antenatal Results & Choices (ARC) and Dr Patricia Lohr, Medical Director for the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) 

Also joining us are Sabrina Fletcher @thetfmrdoula, Emma Belle from @tfmrmamas and Paige Wissam @paigewissam. All three women have experienced a surgical termination.

Jane and Patricia tell us about how BPAS took on the task of creating a TFMR pathway for those wanting/needing to access a ST and how there are more specialist hubs coming online within hospitals. These units will care for those women with medical conditions, meaning they can't be served by the independent sector. However, the hope/plan is that this will also serve those needing a TFMR as well. This means there will eventually be more doctors who can preform ST within the NHS, ensuring continuity of care for women and birthing people.

They also bust the myths surrounding the debates around which is better for psychological well-being: surgical or medical termination. We'll leave it to you to listen to what they had to say about this...all we'll say is, it got passionate!

As always, let us know your thoughts on what you hear.

Email us at TalkTFMR@yahoo.com

Follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @TalkTFMR

And if you're feeling extra inspired, why not rate and review us on Apple Podcasts?

 

September 26, 2021

TFMR: Couples

Hello! We have another episode with a couple for our guests.

This time it's with Mark and Angela Deeks. You hear from both of them about how the loss of their daughter, Laurie, to a TFMR effected them individually and as a couple.

One of the things they speak so clearly about is how different their responses were to the news that Laurie was very poorly and that they would need to make a decision about whether or not to continue with the pregnancy. Angela seemed to accept, or understand better, the options available to them more easily than Mark. He struggled to understand what decisions they needed to make and why. This may speak to the fact that the care in these instances is heavily focused on mum and baby, rightly so, however, men, partners, can get lost in the maelstrom that unexpected and catastrophic news can bring. They may possibly be processing different emotions to those of their partners and need different types of information.

Mark really noticed the lack of male voices in baby loss in general, but especially in TFMR. He decided he needed to do something about this and has been doing his bit to speak openly about what they've been through and how it's effected their lives.

Follow them both on Instragram @markdeeksmusic and @angiemags

We hope you enjoy hearing from another couple. Let us know. You can rate and review this podcast on Apple Podcasts, or send us a message via our social media channels. Facebook and Instagram is @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter is @TalkTFMR

You can also email us at TalkTFMR@yahoo.com

September 12, 2021

TFMR in a Multiples Pregnancy

Pregnancies with multiples are automatically classed as ‘high-risk’. It’s important to highlight the heartbreak that these parents go through. There can be problems found with one or more babies, or the mothers health is at risk and they may be told to 'reduce the pregnancy', which is a TFMR.

Priya joins us to talk about her and her husband, Ricky's, experience of finding out that they were expecting triplets - an exciting and joyous thing - to then finding out that the pregnancy was at risk and that they could lose all babies if they didn't make a decision to end the pregnancy for at least one of their babies.

Priya openly talks to us about all her babies, Adhira, Adhiya and Ariya and we're so grateful to her for speaking with us.

You can follow her on Instagram @our_one_of_three and read more about their story on her blog Our One of Three

Let us know what you think of this episode. You can rate and review us on Apple Podcasts an email us at TalkTFMR@yahoo.com

You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @TalkTFMR

 

 

Hello! Thank you for joining us again.

Today's episode is all about the immediate aftermath of TFMR.

The emotional, physical and mental challenges.

We're joined by Jane Fisher from Antenatal Results and Choices (Instagram @arcantenatal) and our resident specialist midwife, Sally Kelly AND several listeners of the podcast to ask their questions to the experts.

Questions range from genetic testing to regrets surrounding surgical termination.

This is the first time we've done an episode with so many voices and we think it works really well. It's great to open this up to be able to hear from more of you.

Thank you to our listener guests:

Jeannine

Lucy Neal (Instagram @thegoldtoucan)

Melanie Zamenhof (Instagram @mzamenhof)

Cally Warren (Instagram @callywarren21)

Thank you also to all of you who sent in your questions.

Follow us on socials: Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @TalkTFMR. You can email us at TalkTFMR@yahoo.com

Let us know what you think of this episode, we love to hear from you!

And don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts too.

 

August 15, 2021

TTC after TFMR

In today's episode we're talking about trying to conceive (TTC) after TFMR with Dr Erica Rozmid.

Erica is a clinical psychologist and uses cognitive behavioural and dialectical behavioural therapies (CBT & DBT) to help her clients with a range of mental health issues.

Erica lost her daughter, Shayla to TFMR a few months ago and so has begun to use the techniques she teaches others on herself to help her through her TTC journey.

This episode is full of laughing and a bit of swearing. Not because the subject is funny (it isn't, we know, we've been there too) - but we realised what crazy people we became when TTC after TFMR.

Hopefully you will find this episode a bit like taking a big deep, cleansing breath and realise you are not alone in the craziness. Erica has some great tips for helping you through the anxiety and uncertainty. You can also find her on Instagram @TFMRpsychologist

Let us know! Find us on Facebook and Instagram @TimeToTalkTFMR and Twitter @TalkTFMR. Or email us at TalkTFMR@yahoo.com.

Don't forget to rate and review us on Apple podcast too!

August 1, 2021

TFMR: Couples

Welcome back!

In our opening episode for season three we speak with Emma & Gareth about their experience of a TFMR in October 2020. Many of you may already know Emma from her work through the @tfmrmamas Instagram page and website she created.

We hear how Emma and Gareth have each dealt differently with their anxieties around having an IVF pregnancy, finding out that something was serious wrong with their baby, Willow and their subsequent grief in losing her. Gareth describes everything from his utter devastation, feelings of helplessness, through to his guilt at 'not being as upset as Emma'.

They describe what many of us have experienced, the feeling of 'misalignment' in grief. But Emma's expression, 'Stay in your own lane' really helps to describe how to allow space for your own feelings and that of your partner.

Emma also speaks with openness and honesty about her previous elective terminations in her late teens. She tells us how this impacted her thoughts and feelings around her TFMR and the work she had to do to accept all the buried feelings she had around these previous terminations.

Get in touch by email talkTFMR@yahoo.com or social media, Instagram/Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @TalkTFMR. Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, we love to hear from you.

 

 

 

 

In this special episode we're joined by Jane Fisher from Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) to talk about the High-Court case heard last week (August 6, 2021) brought by three people against the UK government. They want a change in the abortion law to restrict access in post 24 week terminations for those fetus's/babies found to have a non-fatal disorder and specifically, those found to have Down syndrome (DS).

We talk about the emotional impact seeing and hearing these views in the media and how a balanced view is often missing from these reports. We speak about why DS is used as the disorder of choice by the anti-choice side, where that came from and why. We also talk about abortion/termination more widely. Are we, inadvertently, creating a grief hierarchy within the termination community by stressing how much we wanted our babies, but that they were ill and so we decided to to end our pregnancy? What about those (healthy) women had healthy babies, but for whatever reason, they too decided to end their pregnancy? Are they allowed to feel grief? Are we allowed to feel relief?

This is a lively and challenging discussion, and it won't be our last.

If you have been affected by the reporting of the court case and need someone to talk (vent!) to, ARC is always there for you and so are we:

Website: https://www.arc-uk.org/about-arc

Telephone: 0207 713 7486

Email: info@arc-uk.org

 

In today's episode we're talking with Dr Jessica Zucker. Jessica is a psychologist, writer and author specialising in reproductive and maternal mental health. She started the I Had A Miscarriage campaign in 2014 on Instagram after having her own second trimester miscarriage in 2012. She has just published a memoir of the same name.

We talk to Jessica about her work with TFMR parents, how she feels about those who question her unwavering support and inclusion of TFMR as baby loss and why the wider baby loss community needs to include TFMR.

Jessica tells us about her own baby loss experience and we talk about the 'what ifs' in her situation.

This is a powerful episode and we hope you will feel empowered and validated by Jessica's words of support for TFMR parents. 

You can follow Jessica on Instagram @ihadamiscarriage and you can find her book on Amazon US or Amazon UK

Get in touch and let us know what you though of this episode. You can email us at talktfmr@yahoo.com or follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @TalkTFMR

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and rate and review us on Apple!

 

Hello and thank you for listening.

In today's episode we are speaking with Sally Kelly, a specialist midwife in bereavement care and Steph Cunningham a TFMR mum who had a surgical termination in 2019.

Steph tells us her story and her feelings around having a ST both then and now. Sally talks us through when and how a ST is offered and what her role is.

We consider this episode the first of many covering this topic. Frankly, if we'd tried to cover it all in one episode, you'd be listening for a week! We've made a good start, but we know there is so much more to discuss. 

You can follow Steph on Instagram @crossing_everything.

Let us know what you think and don't forget that you can rate and review us on Apple Podcasts - this can help some who may be sitting on the fence about listening to see that others have found the podcast useful. You can also by email us at talktfmr@yahoo.com and follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @talkTFMR.

 

 

Hello and welcome to our latest episode.

Our guest today is the comedian, writer and performer, Lou Conran. Lou had a TFMR in 2016 after she found out that her daughter, Emma, wasn't developing properly. Emma had a rare skeletal condition and at 21 weeks, Lou delivered her.

A year later, Lou wrote and performed her comedy show, I Love Lou C to live audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The show is all about her experience of becoming pregnant (after being told she was infertile) with a man who was less than ideal (understatement) and just as she was getting her head around all of this, she was told her baby was seriously unwell. The show is heart breaking and, yes, funny. And no, she is not making fun of baby loss.

But funny things can and do happen in the midst of the trauma and tragedy of death. 

In a bid to break through the taboo of baby loss and the even bigger taboo of TFMR, she has been speaking out publicly about this almost as soon as it happened to her. As she says, 'If you can stand up every night on stage and try to make people laugh, you can do anything. And if you've been through baby loss, you can do anything.'

To watch her show, click here: https://youtu.be/3CwTiRSgttA

You can also find her episode on Cariad Lloyd's podcast, Griefcast where she talks more about the condition Emma had, Lou's episode is number 19: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/griefcast/id1178572854

Lou has her own comedy podcast, with her friend and fellow comic Sally-Anne Hayward, called Spit or Swallow and if you're in need of a laugh, we'd recommend it: https://audioboom.com/channels/5042257

Finally, you can follow Lou on social media (Instagram & Twitter) @LouConran

And her website is: https://www.louconran.com/

Let us know what you thought of this episode by rating and leaving a comment on Apple Podcasts, or by emailing us at talktfmr@yahoo.com. You can also follow us on Instagram and Facebook @TimeToTalkTFMR or Twitter @talkTFMR.

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